Changing yourself and your life – Why so painful?

Changing is a hard topic, really. Most of the times, we are so comfortable with our own routines, habits, work, maybe even with our own selves.  But the real life is not about having everything the same way all the time.

Life is about changing. Life is about evolving. Life is about learning.


Learning about ourselves, the people around us, the universe, about emotions, situations, hardships and happiness. And about a lot more, of course.

But what if changing comes in a way that the individual is not prepared for it? (Which actually is many of the times…) What if someone has the view of himself/herself being perfect, the life being perfect around them and yet, one day, this whole bubble of perfection bursts.

This can be devastating. This can break the person – at least for a while. So far, the belief was that he/she is doing fine, advancing in life perfectly. Maybe even the surrounding people and situations confirmed this. I call this the ‘fake comfort zone effect’. If we only move within our comfort zone, of course, there are no stretching challenges reaching us.

However, once you are out of your routine, you can face your imperfection. And you can be shocked. But never forget: nobody is perfect! Not even you 🙂 And still, you are loveable, never forget that either!

First of all, in this whole process, you can be a non-believer. You can start to blame the events in life, you can start to blame others for your own situation. You can be convinced that you did everything perfectly, but the world is against you. And most probably you indeed did everything the best possible way you can. However, what you need to realise is that your best possible way is not necessarily The Best Solution.

From this thought the following comes to my mind:

Those who only know the hammer, tend to see everything as a nail.

Sooner or later, you have to take the responsibility for your actions, for your own life, for your own development. You will need to see what you, yourself did wrong and what you need to learn from this, what you need to change. Drawing conclusions of your own self is essential. You need to learn what other tools you can have besides the hammer.


Only after this, you can start to change. It can be painful, yes. It can tear up your deepest wounds, yes. Still, you need to keep your focus on why this is happening to you. What do you win from this? How does it help you to be a better, more evolved person? How does it help you to advance in your life? How does it improve your personality? How does it lead you towards a real, fulfilled life?

All the changes that you want to see around yourself, need to come from within you. You need to take the first step within yourself and then everything around you will react to this.

Never forget to ask the question: “What do I have to learn from this change?”. And then, just simply go with it, go with the flow of changing and try to be happy for being here and being able to learn and be better every day 🙂

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