I have already written in previous articles about those different negative behaviors of men that I have encountered with. Such were the ‘floater’, the appearing-disappearing, the chat-master, the extreme narcissistic or the ‘anxious monologist’ man. I also wrote about a good example in order to avoid always being negative. Now, however, I write about a less positive example again. I named him the King of Flirting.
Before I get started on who the King of Flirting is, I would like to point it out again (and over and over again) that this behavior – just like none of the previous ones – is unique to men. As a ‘floater’, an appearing-disappearing, an extreme narcissistic person can be both man or woman, we can easily meet Queens of Flirting as well, anywhere we go. I mention this for the sake of balance and equality… Anyways, I will write now about the Kings of Flirting (and in case you need it, please translate it to the Queens as well).
How can you recognize the King of Flirting?
He is the man who, when he appears in a room or within a group of people, immediately starts to scan with whom they can have a good flirting scenario. He checks the people of the place, notices the potential ladies and chooses. Chooses one, two, a lot. Without any hesitation or bad feelings, he goes to the first ‘victim’, fearlessly.
His self-confidence could seem to be very attractive, as he appears to be open and really interested in the woman. It is important to highlight here, that he only appears to be so.
He addresses the Woman (whether he knew her before or not) and mingles with her. He starts a light, relaxed conversation, asks, listens, has a chat with her – without hindrance (of course, without hindrance, since he has already taken this step a million times). Then, already in the very early stages of the conversation, he starts flirting very directly with the Woman. Some women can be fond of this, despite the flirting being too much and too direct, however, some can feel exactly the opposite – they may feel embarrassed.
Why would anyone be embarrassed if they are being flirted with?
Basically, it can be because of the low level of the self-confidence and self-esteem, as the woman cannot handle well the flirting she is facing. But this topic is worth an entire article later on, now I will not get any deeper into this. Another reason why the woman can be embarrassed when the King of Flirting springs into action is the excessive force that is included in this process. The feeling of being pushed. Or, if the woman feels that this is not the right time or place for this flirtation (for example during a work meeting – let’s face it, it can be quite uncomfortable…).
Here there is a gap between what the King of Flirting does and what the Woman would need. We will also soon look at the reason due to which this gap appears.
Then, after dropping the flirtation bombs, the story splits into two different story lines.
If the Woman welcomes the situation, our King of Flirting will mobilize even greater forces, continuing the process, increasingly ‘raising the stakes’. This is when the Woman becomes a partner in the flirting game. Either they don’t take it to the next level and stay on the one of flirting, or it eventually turns out to be something more. And then there will be no limit to their connection.
On the other hand, if the Woman does not welcome the situation, then… Then the Man will stop – we might think. But it takes more for the King of Flirting to stop him. He will not give up just so easily. He will try it for some more time, still. If he constantly sees that there is no reaction from the Woman for his flirting, there are still two options. If at least a little bit of self-esteem and empathy can be found in the King of Flirting, he realizes that there is nothing more he could do and starts to search for a new ‘victim’. However, if he does not realize that his behavior is not appreciated by the Woman, or if her rejection is what triggers him, he will continue the process the same way he has been doing it so far.
Why does the King of Flirting behave this way?
One might think that he behaves this way in order to cause pleasant moments for women, or in order to find ‘the one’ for himself to live happily ever after. Sadly though, none of these two options are true.
The behavior of the King of Flirting is motivated only by his own satisfaction. By always flirting with the women around him, he is simply polishing his own ego. This is what his pattern is about, nothing more and nothing less.
The basic driving force of such men is their low self-esteem and low self-love. And they are not really aware of this, of course. However, they feel it deep inside, that – due to the low level of their self-esteem and self-love – they need the outside confirmation of their worthiness. Therefore, they take all opportunities to obtain it.
It is like when they go shopping. They run out of bread at home (the so-far acquired amount of outside confirmation), so they go to the supermarket (go over to the Woman) and see if there is any bread there (they start flirting with the Woman). If there is bread (the Woman reacts positively), they will stay and get even more bread. If there is no bread in that supermarket (the Woman reacts negatively or not at all), they move on to another supermarket (to another Woman). Something like this…
The trap of this ‘purchasing method’ is that as the King of Flirting does not have an inner, solid self-esteem and self-love at a healthy level, whatever they get from outside, will run out quickly. Whatever ‘bread’ they get, they consume it very quickly. My article called The Danger Of The ‘Love-Chocolates’ is about this very topic, but using chocolates as analogy instead of the bread, going more into some details.
The other important setback of this behavior is not related to the King of Flirting himself, but related to the Woman.
If the Woman believes that this is all about her and it is happening for her, she may be very disappointed afterwards. After all, as soon as the Man has received his sufficient amount of outside confirmation, or as soon as the Woman refuses to give it to him, our Flirting King can hit the road.
And the Woman suddenly finds herself alone – in the better scenario. In the worse scenario, she starts a relationship with the King of Flirting. In this case, on the one hand she will continuously need to nurture the ego of the Man, everything will be about him. The Woman will not be important. On the other hand, the King of Flirting – regardless of being in a relationship – will not give up ruling in his Kingdom. Even if it seems in the beginning of the relationship that the ego-nurturing from his partner is ‘enough’ for the Man, sooner or later he will get bored of it and continues his ruling in his Flirt Kingdom – not with his partner, but with other women, of course.
And as the King of Flirting is busy only with himself and his own interests (a.k.a. purchasing the bread) during the whole mechanism, that is the reason why the previously mentioned gap can occur. It means, that while the Man is flirting with her, the Woman would actually need something completely different. For example, she would need the Man to leave him alone. But the Man does not care about it at all, as he is chasing his own needs only.
What should you do if you realize now that sometimes you act a King of Flirting? What defense options does the ‘victim’ of the King of Flirting have? You can read the answers for these questions in the second part of this article, coming soon.
The King of Flirting – 2nd part
3 do’s and don’ts of creating a great online dating profile
The ‘Anxious Monologist’ – 7 things every man can learn from my last (very) bad date
Top 5 epic dating fails of men – from a female perspective
One-night-stand with the Tinder
Extreme date with an extreme narcissist
A real-life interesting chat talk
The psychological game of ‘floating’ through the example of my dating partner
There you go Gentlemen, it can be done well!
Dating in the time of Covid – a.k.a the appearing-disappearing man
Top(?) tips for picking up ladies – through the eyes of a woman and coach
Starving for crumbs of attention
If you liked this list, you can find my other article compilations here.