In the first part of the article, I wrote about what can be behind a man’s aggressive behavior and why they may feel that this is the best way to resolve certain conflicts, to assert their interests, to protect their loved ones. Now, we will continue this topic by looking at whether aggressive men are the “real men” and what past experiences lead a woman to believe that they are.
Is the real man the aggressive one?
I think you will now feel that this question is rhetorical. Being aggressive does not make a man a “real man”. In fact, I would even vary the statement a little: someone who is aggressive is not a real man.
Being a man, defending your partner, your family, anyone or anything, is not the same as being aggressive. Let’s not get confused here.
Again, I could use the analogy I described in a previous article, “Women only ever want the bad guys… – or maybe not?”. A real man is like a wide river. It flows, with great force, but calmly, not destructively. And an aggressive man is like a raging, dangerous mountain river used for whitewater rafting. You can feel the difference between the two, can’t you?
A real man is aware of himself, his abilities, his weaknesses, works on his own inner spiritual world and spiritual development. He is at the maximum of the healthy level of real inner masculine energy, which he does not want to show off. He has the right communication tools, let it be emotional communication, persuasion or conflict resolution. He has the emotional intelligence to sense his environment, his partner, his family, their needs. Can express thoughts, feelings, needs and wants through appropriate communication. Accept that others may see and think differently, without thinking of themselves as perfect or omnipotent. He condemns aggression and seeks a peaceful, mutually beneficial solution, while protecting his family.
Well, that’s what a “real man” is.
Why would an aggressive man be the real man for someone?
I’m kind of getting bored of myself now, but again, I have to say that the family pattern will be the answer to this question too. If for a woman, a “real man” means someone who can punch another man, or who gets things done through physical force, then there is something in her past where she has seen this damaging pattern and from where she has brought it with her. Either the woman’s parents or grandparents played this game and from there it may have been built into her life, into her belief system. She may also have been exposed to these aggressive actions as a child. And as she grew into an adult woman, she was very likely to have attracted people into her life who behaved in this way. These people can be her friends, co-workers, or her partner.
When we run a damaging pattern in our lives, it never exists in isolation. This is a universal truth, so it is true in this case as well.
In other words, if the image of the man behaving aggressively is a pattern that has been brought from her family, it will appear in many places and situations in the woman’s life. As we are given these patterns, tasks to be solved, until we really resolve the root of the problem within ourselves.
This is why it is important that if you feel that the ideal man for you is the aggressive type, you do some introspection.
- Was there such an aggressive pattern in your childhood?
- Have you been the target of aggressive behavior throughout your life?
- Is your reaction to aggressive behavior to completely shut down/run away/freeze up, or on the contrary, to aggressively take action against your attacker?
- Has this aggressive behavior occurred in your circle of friends?
- Have you ever had a partner who behaved in such an aggressive manner?
If your answer to even 1-2 of the above questions is yes, then you most probably have work to do with this pattern. It is worth thinking about this and getting some help from a professional to have this blockage dissolved in you.
In conclusion, I think we can say that the Neans’ time is up.
What was appropriate behavior for Nean then and there in the pre-historic times, now is no longer relevant in our present. In today’s world, a “real man” should have a completely different set of skills and tools, because the circumstances are different, the needs are different. I believe that both men and women need to reflect on this and seize the opportunities that can help us develop. After all, we must want ourselves to change our own lives.
I wish everyone good luck with this!
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